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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

In the Spirit of the New Year

With the coming of the New Year, many people look back to the old, and reflect on the best and worst things about the past year. However, some other people, like the arguably sentient people here at DotDG, reflect on stupid things. So in the spirit of the new year (and my inability to sleep/ form coherent thoughts), here is my Top Ten list for What Games Workshop has done this year to screw over everyone but them (don’t sue?)

10. Resin Models
I know you probably like the Finecast models , I like them too. They have a really nice feel to them, they seem to be quite sturdy, and the detail you get is unbelievable. But, as many of you may have noticed, they kicked up the prices again. Now, you might say, come on horns, be fair, it is more detailed and a nicer material; they just needed to compensate for that. Under normal circumstances, that would be a valid argument. But this is GW. Bull-shit that model costs $20 to make.

9. Dreadfleet- (because it was dumb)
Did you ever notice just how many ads there were for Dreadfleet, and just how hard GW was trying to make you buy it? Did you ever notice how when there’s a bad movie coming out, there’s a butt load of ads for that as well? Any correlation between the two? And you probably still wasted your money on it. You heartless bastards.

8. Continued Existing
You cannot deny that, for now at least, GW continues to exist, although you may be tempted to ask how exactly that affects you in a negative ways, you may be tempted to call that a good thing. But let me give you this piece of advice. Monitor exactly how much of your disposable income goes to GW this year, and put it in relativity to everything else. Then you’;; understand the answers to you own questions.

7. Dark Eldar Update- (Eldar are for pussies)
They might look impressive, and they might play well, but the hardest part about playing an Eldar army was never outdated models. It was telling your parents that you were gay. Same rules applied for Dark Eldar, its just implied that you also enjoy masochism. Also, if we’re going to have super detailed models, way are Dark Eldar Prisoners still in metal?

6. Continued Existing
Furthermore, to add insult to injury, the very existence of GW and their products waste so many finite resources each year, on dumb plastic figures that 7 year olds will end up dipping in blue paint and calling Ultramarines, and then proceeding to have their little brothers eat them. At this point is Ultramar really worth destroying Earth for? (Perhaps adding injury to insult would have been a more apt phrase)

5. "'Eavy Metal" Brush Kit
Really? Really? I thought we acknowledged that they were trolling when they came out with the “Eavy Metal” spray gun, but this is a legitimate product? WHY?!?!?! I know that they claim that it has nicer brush bristles or some other qualities, but they’re really just selling it with that dumb name.

4. Continued Existing
The longer that GW continues to exist and thrive, the more and more we’ll see (or rather not see) the hopes and dreams of many aspiring miniatures designers and other types of modelers, squashed before our eyes. GW eats independent manufacturers for breakfast, and has small internet successes for dinner. That is a fact. (It is also fact that they skip lunch, the bastards)

3. Didn't Re-release Squats
While the Space Dwarves where destroyed long ago by the Tyranid menace, I refuse to believe that there are no small Squat fleets left, and I can’t believe that they are willing to give the Blood Angels their own army, but not bring back those noble Dwarves.

2. Continued Existing
Considering that this is the fourth time I’ve used this same reason, you might simply see it as a filler reason. If that Is what you assumed, then look back at the previous three reason. Be aware that each is unique and reasonable in its own right. However, this one is totally filler,

1. Bought their 17th Yacht
Everyone knows that yachts are bad for the environment, but GW doesn’t know when to stop. Seriously, even Blizzard could recognize that it was a social faux pas to go beyond 12 of them.

Now I understand that some of you may find some of this subject matter to be somewhat offensive, and even disturbing. Being aware of that fact, I will happily answer your questions, and listen to your concerns. If you have any problems with this article, please feel free to contact me at
(This post does not represent the thoughts and opinions of all of the Disciples, rather only the Horse_with_Horns, who has been informed that if the vote count is high enough, he may in fact be murdered)

1 comment:

  1. Alright, ill call the imperial inquisition, and the GamesWorkshop IP ninjas.